A story is told of a certain damsel who has mastered the fine art of emotional manipulation along Thika Road near Quiver Lounge. She parades herself like a homeless angel, looking all lost and heartbroken, the kind of story that makes a man’s sympathy rise faster than his rent. She’ll whisper tales of tragedy so touching you’ll start planning a GoFundMe before you even ask her name. But be warned, brothers, if you take her home for a night of horizontal engineering and diameter evaluation, you’ll wake up to discover that she engineered your whole household. TV, gas cooker, even the remote control, all gone like Kasongo’s promises during campaign season.
This woman is the true definition of beauty with Starlink Wi-Fi, she connects fast and disappears faster! Katana, a certified scholar from the prestigious Great Kalahari Desert University of Science & Technology (K-DUST) where dust reigns supreme, has sounded the alarm.
He claims she has so far robbed him five times! That’s not theft anymore; that’s a toxic relationship with receipts. Apparently, Katana keeps falling victim to what scientists call the gravitational pull of the holy triangle, situated along Kilgoris Lane where the terrain is always slippery & temperature is way above sea level.
Whatever powers she’s carrying down there deserve their own warning label from KEBS. So, gentlemen of Kanairo, if you ever meet a homeless beauty with a sad story near Roasters, run for your dear life! Don’t look back. Even Lot’s wife would understand. Kama kawa sisi walala hoii hatuna maoni, Letu Jicho tu.
By George T Diano
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